She turns her head
and suffers
not once or twice
but always now it seems
she turns her head
and wishes
she could end it now
Infants like piglets
stuffed and cozy
breezy noisy
perambulating
on the stretched
and proud
and sometimes hairy
sometimes not
arms of mothers
all sizes
all around
sidewalk clustered
with these things
small and noisy
darling babies
ah that I could
have but one
of these little things
it’s an ache more
than a wish
a suction more
than a hope
a curse at its essence
that’s what I think
she thinks
as she turns her head
and suffers
To think this was me
once me look at me now
and she cannot find
where she would ever
have begun
that she would ever
have begun
‘cause there’s such
and alwaysness
about me she thinks
not thinks really
more knows although
she doesn’t know that yet
it’s just a motion
within her
that seems to speak
in a language
she understands
She looks again at rosy cheeks
toothless grin dribble
vapid stare suddenly alert
has she seen her
almost like a recognition
but of course not a recognition
how could that be
and she tries again
to find where she began
And hopes sometimes
she’ll find it soon
and sometimes
that she’ll never
sometimes
that she’ll never
to find it
then she knows
must also be an end
And then she wants
to live forever
to lose the curse
the ache that speaks
and speaks that
speak that makes her pray
sometimes
as if there were an ear
But mostly
to lose this curse
this need to copulate
make room for more
life and more
and yet more
why is that she wonders
lucidly sometimes
cursedly sometimes
achingly always
What if this was a farce
a very sick joke
this birth and death
and birth and death
she thinks
and of course it can’t be
lucidly
and of course it is
cursedly
whispered
by that strange tongue
And she turns her head
away from pink fists
and pupils wide
and tiny feet
for hopes less turbulent
as if she never did begin
But begin they seem to do
and do and do and do
and for what reason
it’s twenty years of schoolin’
and they put you on the dayshift
someone said that
and so true
and so pointless
and so cruel
to keep us running longing
loving living dying
to keep the circle
turning
it was Dylan she remembers
and smiles for the first time
that afternoon
